How to Stop Taking Things Personally

Most of us want to feel good about ourselves and be proud of who we are. When something makes us feel bad about ourselves, we naturally want to avoid it. But whether it really means we’re not good enough is often just how we see it.

Taking things personally means we think someone’s actions or words are saying something bad about us. Like if your boss criticizes your work, you might feel like she thinks you’re not good at your job. Or if your friends cancel plans, you might think they’re not interested in spending time with you. This is called personalization.

Thinking you know what others are thinking about you is called mind reading. If you assume your boss thinks you’re bad at your job or your friends find you boring, that’s mind reading. To stop this, try to challenge those negative thoughts. When something feels personal, think of other reasons why it might have happened.

Put yourself in other people’s shoes. Giving criticism can be hard, so if your boss is giving you feedback, it probably means she wants you to improve. And maybe your friends canceled plans because they trust your friendship enough to be honest. Remember times when you’ve canceled plans because you didn’t feel up to it.

It’s good to want to be proud of yourself, but there are different kinds of pride. Feeling like you’re better than everyone else can make you more sensitive to criticism. Instead, focus on being proud of the effort you put in and the things you achieve. This can help you feel better about yourself and not take things so personally.

Re-reported from the article originally published in BBC Science Focus.