5 Subtle Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect

As a child, you may have felt neglected because your parents weren’t around or didn’t pay enough attention to you. As an adult, you might be questioning the effects of this neglect, knowing you have an inner wound to heal but unsure of its exact nature.

Licensed therapist and certified trauma professional Logan Cohen highlights five signs of childhood emotional neglect that remain until you recognize and address what you lacked.

1. Embarrassment About Emotions Do you find it difficult to express your emotions and feel embarrassed or ashamed when you try? This can stem from emotional neglect. Cohen notes, “Sharing them has only ever resulted in either invalidation or other people pulling away.” This makes expressing hard emotions especially difficult, as you’re terrified that showing vulnerability will lead to more pain and suffering.
2. Feeling Pressured to Be Strong Have you been taught always to be strong? If so, you’ve probably heard, “Stop crying,” too often. Meanwhile, your parents may have felt comfortable ranting about their issues to you, a phenomenon known as parentification. According to Newport Academy, “Parents look to their children for emotional and/or practical support, rather than providing it.” This pressure to be strong impacts your ability to express emotions freely.
3. Feeling Like Your Emotions Are a Burden People who have experienced emotional neglect often see their emotions as burdens. As a child, you may have met with eye rolls whenever you expressed yourself or were told to “toughen up” because you were “stressing everyone out.” This leads you to avoid sharing emotions, fearing that doing so might jeopardize your relationships.
4. Fear of Others Using Your Emotions Against You Emotionally neglected children often believe that people aren’t reliable and that emotions can be used against them. To avoid being seen as weak, you’ve learned to hide your emotions well. Your body has adapted to protect you from the potential pain and suffering inflicted by others.
5. Struggling to Trust Your Emotions Do you struggle with trusting your emotions, finding it hard to articulate how you feel? This difficulty aligning your instincts with logic likely stems from being taught that your emotions were unreliable. This creates a constant inner conflict.

Growing up in a neglectful household is tough and traumatizing, often in silent and subtle ways. Recognizing these signs of emotional neglect can help you address these trauma responses and begin the healing process.

Re-reported from the article originally published in Your tango.