Facing Failures
Q: “I am a woman in my early 20s. Of late I have been having only failures to quote in whatever I do and these incidents have stamped me with a “ good for nothing’ tag. Recently I gave my driving license test for the third time, I did not get through. I gave 6 tests including IELTS and failed miserably. I just want to experience the taste of success. I have lost confidence in myself, so much so that I just exist without a passion for life. At this point in my life, I am not seeing any ray of hope for the situation to change and am completely demotivated. To top it all I feel that time is also ticking away.”
Have you ever felt that: you are a complete failure, you can’t achieve anything in life, you are stamped as good for nothing by people around and feel that you just need to get married and leave these things as this is not your cup of tea? Are you fed up with judgments, expectations, labels, and suggestions from the people around you and you feel broken?
A: If you can relate to any of the points mentioned above, then you have reached the right place and this article is just for you. Now let us learn how to do it in real life with some examples:
Empty your Cup: Never bottle up negative thoughts inside you. Just talk to someone and release all the pain. If you don’t have anyone, just express it on a piece of paper or a diary. Vent out all your pain and try to take a deep breath. Make space for something new, before trying to venture on a new thought and attempting to accomplish it. Instead of ‘I am a failure’, just change it to ‘I am feeling like I have failed’. Stop labeling yourself as a failure. Even if you feel that you have failed presently, you should try to see how you can come out of it. We all have different methods to keep ourselves distracted like sleeping, listening to music, watching Netflix, and avoiding the discussion on what went wrong. We need to face our true feeling and accept them. They give us a signal and tell us clearly what needs to be changed. Just listen to it. When you feel that your contracting feeling is stopping you from moving on in the right direction just replace the contracting feeling with an expanding feeling. To get a clearer understanding here are a few examples:
Expand the moment, and see the whole story: Were you able to walk from your very first step, or you failed multiple times and you took support from family members, things around you to hold, and a word of appreciation from others when you took your first step …? All were the aids which you took while you learned a new skill. Life is still the same, you are trying to learn to drive, you are trying to clear any exam, and you are trying to find your passion, all these things are new skills that require effort and multiple attempts. Every success is the sum of previous failures followed by learning which is implemented from the previous failures.
Let us see one more example. We all appreciate a person who got first prize in the race, his 6 packs, and the shining aura of his face. We fail to see the sweat flowing from his forehead, the odor of the sweat, the bruises on his hands, the endless mornings the person has invested in training himself for that 4 min race. Till the time we invest back in our own emotional and mental growth and learn from our mistakes, the results will remain the same. How can we have different outputs if the input has not changed? Each one of us is unique. We may have shortcomings or weak points but that doesn’t mean we are failures. We need to learn and acknowledge our strengths and need to focus on them.
Leave Imposter syndrome and do it till you taste success: Just get back your MOJO. You are born to claim your success and not cry over your failures. Women are so strong from the core, just reclaim your power. Don’t be scared this is not weird.
Seems you need to hear one more story.
In your childhood, or college days have you ever traveled to a hill? On top of the hills, there is generally a temple or your hotel where you want to spend some time. You know your destination right; you know you are going to have a great time there. You start your journey, and on your way, you feel hungry, thirsty, tired, nauseated, and sometimes lost, as your car moves from one direction to another, sometimes fear comes because the road is so narrow, someone from the other side just came abruptly without the horn. But what do you do, you keep moving, take breaks to freshen up, but keep moving till the time you reach your destination. Do you ever leave in between and come back home? Do you ever feel you’re not able to do it as you are doing it for the first time? Do you ask for a path from someone when you feel lost? Do you take direction from someone who has been there?
You know your answers right? Similarly, life is also a journey that needs to be enjoyed while going through its ups and downs and at the same time not leaving the sight or intention of the vision that you want to achieve.
The clearer your vision, the faster you will be able to reach your goal.
