Ida Tin’s “Dear Men” Series: Part 22 of 29 – How Sex and House Chores are Linked

This is post 22 on what it feels like to live in a female body, this time on how sex and house chores are linked, and why she is so pissed all the time.

Imagine this reality, in which many women (and men) live:

Some women might find it sexy to see their romantic partner sit on the couch while she fills the dishwasher—again. I sure don’t. In fact, it’s a huge turn-off. A partner who leaves you with more than your share of the house chores, the emotional care work for the kids, and doesn’t figure out some food when the kids are hungry has definitely not started any kind of erotic build-up.

Just like picking up his dirty laundry or having to ask him to do some food shopping is. Not only does it leave women with too little time to rest, get inspired, take care of themselves so they can keep meeting all the demands of their lives, but it also makes us angry. And it kills our desire, at least for that man sitting on the couch or what ever he is doing which isn’t cleaning the plates off the dinner table. And If I have to ask him to do it, it’s even less sexy when he does it.

Days filled with the same frustrations—doing more than him, the same arguments, or the same silence to avoid arguing—leave women feeling disconnected. Intimacy suffers, and we feel unsexy too as we become bitter versions of ourselves. On top of that, there’s too little time to do sports or anything that would help us feel sexy, like we did before we had kids and men who don’t turn us on anymore.

Then neither he nor she feels sexy to her, and the desire fades. He tries to get something going, but she isn’t turned on—even if she wants to be. The spark has gone. She’s low-level angry, permanently. She rejects him sexually, and now it’s her that “has a problem” because she doesn’t want sex.

The truth is, she doesn’t want sex with a partner who doesn’t do his part in the house—someone she loses respect and attraction for slowly but surely. Her body just starts saying no.

In this dynamic, the sex, when it finally happens, isn’t as playful or exciting as it once was. The statistics say women lose interest in their partners sexually before men do. My guess? House chores have something to do with it.

So, Dear Men, want more sex with your partner? Do more dishes.

Artwork by Kyle Leuck.

-This post by Ida Tin is shared on LinkedIn and is republished here with her permission. The SheSight Team has not made any changes to the content.