Ida Tin’s “Dear Men” Series: Part 4 of 29 – Figuring out not getting pregnant

Dear Men this is post 4 out of 29 for you about what it feel like to live in a woman’s body: 4 Figuring out not getting pregnant

(A link to the introduction can be found in comments)
All women, I welcome all your stories, Men need to know them.

Where I’m from (Denmark), we put condoms on bananas in sex ed. It was in the mid-1990s, close enough to the horrors of AIDS in the 80s for condoms to be given out for free everywhere.

Later, I tried to be on the Pill but felt horrible. I went back to my doctor, who casually suggested I try a different brand. I was so shocked that I hadn’t been warned about possible side effects. Not because of the side effects themselves, but the idea that I might not have made the correlation between the pills and my mood changes seemed like a real risk. What if I had kept taking them for years without knowing what they were doing to me? I was upset about that, and after trying a hormonal ring too, with even worse results, I ditched hormones for good.

But then what? More condoms. I have been in long, steady relationships since I was 16, and eventually, I got a copper IUD, which has worked for me though it does hurt some. Before that, I had 1.5 years of taking my temperature every morning. It wasn’t a great user experience, but it gave me a really good understanding of my cycles.

Not all people find a form of birth control that really works for them. My mum had to alternate between a few years with a copper IUD that made her bleed way too much, and a few years with pills that made her feel like crap.

For many, many people around the world, having access to any kind of birth control is still a challenge, for practical, economic, or cultural reasons. The effects are catastrophic.

Even if you can buy a condom, they aren’t the easiest thing to integrate into life. Especially not if no one has told you how to use them. And even if you know, asking your partner to use one (if that isn’t a given) takes quite some teenage courage.

I recently read a great book called *Responsible Ejaculation*, which basically says that men are responsible for where they put their sperm. That seems like a no-brainer, but currently, it is very much women who are feeling responsible for not getting pregnant, enduring the pain and side effects of birth control, and also dealing with the consequences if she does get pregnant.

-This post by Ida Tin is shared on LinkedIn and is republished here with her permission. The SheSight Team has not made any changes to the content.