Ida Tin’s “Dear Men” Series: Part 5 of 29 – Figuring out sexual pleasure
Figuring out sexual pleasure (sex that she likes, what is that, does anyone know?) This is for the Men, post 5/29 about what it feels like to have a woman’s body.
One thing is having sex, it’s another thing to have great sex – what ever that is for each of us. Women’s bodies (maybe men’s too) are kind of complicated creatures where a thousand things will influence how good sex feels. As a teenager a young girl has a lot to juggle; discovering what she likes, meeting another young person’s wishes, insecurities, ideas that are maybe lent from media, her own self-image, body comfort or discomfort, and maybe practical challenges such as a partner that might come before she has even gotten started. Yep, that was me for some months.
All of this is maybe happening to her surrounding’s approval, maybe it happens in secret. Maybe she has a layer of shame and guilt or possibly religious rules to grapple with too. If things don’t go smoothly, who does she turn to? Does she have any adults she can trust, does her school help her take good care of herself on her sexual journey, or does it simply tell her not to have a sex life? For many girls, this might be a lonely endeavor, and maybe scary. But also exciting enough to propel her forward, perhaps.
Figuring out pleasure doesn’t end at puberty, obviously. Our needs and curiosities changes, and different partners will tease out different sides to our sexuality.
We know that many women fake orgasms to please their partners, because they find it shameful not to climax or to make uncomfortable sex end… There can be many reasons, but one thing is for sure; if women had sex that really worked for them, there would be no need to fake orgasms. Either she would have one and that would be great, or she had satisfying sex without an orgasm and her partner would have peace with that. To me, it signals a need for open and honest communication, which for sure is a first important step to figuring for herself what she truly likes, and for others to have any chance of helping her get it.
-This post by Ida Tin is shared on LinkedIn and is republished here with her permission. The SheSight Team has not made any changes to the content.
