Let’s Talk about Sex to Teens
**Explicit Content Warning: This article talks about sex education for Teens and Adults. May contain direct reference to sexual acts. Recommended read by anyone above 13 years. ******
I think this academic year all the 8th std teachers who teach Biology were saved from the awkwardness of the chapter “Sexual Reproduction” since students were mostly on Mute and Video off mode during the online education. And during my 8th Std, I still remember my biology teacher’s shocking face when I asked “Teacher, Can you please explain exactly what happens during mating in human beings?” Remember, I am talking about an era when we had only Doordarshan and All India Radio. And even in Doordarshan, we kids were allowed to watch only Ramayana, Mahabharata, Mowgli, Chitrahaar, and some science programs. And, in Chitrahaar, whenever a heroine comes in a skimpy outfit or the hero hugs the heroine, we were asked to bring water from kitchen. When heroines wore sleeveless blouses or showed their tummies my mom told me they wore skin-colored innerwear and the hero doesn’t touch them actually. According to her, it’s all camera tricks that the skin is showing as getting touched! We didn’t have mobile, neither access to Porn Hub or any X-rated channels. No sex education other than from an equally inexperienced partner after marriage.
Well, I don’t think today’s teenagers and young adults will be that way. In fact, they are overexposed to sexual and pornographic content than before. Ideally, Schools and Parents must provide the right knowledge to Teens so that they don’t end up experimenting with what they see in those websites. Couple of days back, I read the news of a 16 yr old guy and a 15yr old girl who was found pregnant after watching Porn sites together and performing those acts. This didn’t happen in some foreign countries but In Kerala in a colony while their coolie parents were on the job during daytime and had given their children mobile phone for online classes! The two children were neighbors and the acts were happening in the name of combined studies!
I am just listing ten points which can be useful for parents to initiate talks with their teens and young adults. Sex with consent for below 18 yrs is also not legal. Punishable under POCSO Act. So, advise them to attempt sex only after 18. (You can share this article to your Teen and ask if he/ she would like to discuss any points) Please comment more points if you wish to add!
1. Feeling attracted to the opposite sex (or same-sex) is a natural phenomenon. You need not curb your feelings of butterflies in your stomach or beating hearts when you see each other. Enjoy it. It’s beautiful. But, before touching each other get consent. It’s the same for both boys and girls. But, before even consent for sex comes, nurture a good friendship, romance, and acceptance of each other. That’s important. Consent doesn’t also mean that it is ok to ask a random woman if she is OK to be touched. That’s equivalent to molestation.
2. Indulge in Safe sex practices – Usage of condoms is mandatory if you are not married or you don’t plan to get pregnant. (Share YouTube videos on how to wear it) or If it’s an unprepared sex (happened by chance) do not allow intercourse. Dear Girls, you have the right to say “No” at any point. You need not oblige just because you undressed. Condoms not just prevents pregnancies but also prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Do not think that you won’t get pregnant because you only did once without condoms. Well, chances of pregnancy still exist. So, why risk if you do not want to get pregnant – especially if you are a teenager? Another danger is when you don’t get pregnant even after one-time sex: You think it’s OK and you try next time. This is even more dangerous.
3. Girls, do not go for drugs parties or if you think you can get drugged. Boys, do not think you can drug your girl, have sex and escape. Both r crimes. Your life and future will be spoiled if a girl files a complaint. Also, do not think you can have great sex after inebriation. Alcohol incites sexual feelings but animosity in some men if you are over drunk, you end up spoiling your experience!
4. As a man, you cannot force sex or perform or insist any sexual act which your partner is uncomfortable with. It’s equivalent to rape and can be an unpleasant experience for both (mostly for woman). Most of the porn videos that you see is unrealistic sex and please understand that most women do not open their legs out in the first 2 minutes just as the porn videos show!
5. As a girl, you also have the right for good sex and if you do not enjoy the act, you can deny it. Do not fake just to please your partner. Most girls engage in sex just for the fear of losing the relationship or thinking that this is her duty to fulfill her boyfriend’s needs. This includes even married couples.
6. Coming to Teen sex, well, in India we still have a taboo for boy-girl friendships which leads to perverted ideas even in their genuine/ normal boy-girl Friendships. Rarely do we find open and free friendships between girls and boys. The reason is the peer influence of both boys and girls who treat each other as sexual objects. Young men have a lot of “Guy Talks” which objectifies girls and also sexualizes even their normal conversations. We cannot stop this in full but we can see if it crosses limits. Remember, Guy Talks can stop even if one guy says “No”.
7. Now, despite all this, you as a teenager or an unmarried young adult became pregnant out of a relationship – Do not hide it from your family for long. It’s safer to abort within the first two months (in comparison to the time your tummy bulges out 5 months!) Remember abortion is not safe or the good option for a careless pregnancy but definitely a better option for unwanted pregnancy or delivering a baby who may be abandoned later.
8. If your boyfriend convinces you to travel with him to a faraway place for sex (says “enjoyment”), think many times. Inform some of your close friends and keep track of your whereabouts. We hear stories of even the best and most “loyal” boyfriends becoming beasts and bringing in his group of friends to enjoy together. (This is what we call gang rape). Try to stay within your territory and do not allow these kinds of adventures unless you are 200% sure. Of course, your boyfriend may be upset with you for a few days. But if he is genuine and values your relationship, he will come back. Up to 80% of rapes happen from men whom the girl knows well. And rape is a traumatic experience that haunts the girl for a lifetime. And for men- remember it’s a crime and in today’s world when girls are becoming empowered, there is a high chance that you may get legally prosecuted, unlike olden days when everyone did victim shaming. We also know of rapists getting prosecuted/ punished severely (though sometimes it gets delayed). So, men rethink if u want to “rape” your girl. Rapes also can happen among men/ gay friends. Any rape is a crime. And dear parents, in case your child gets abused/ raped support them and help them overcome the trauma with proper medical help and also file police case. The criminal should be punished and not the victim. And yes, marital rape is also rape. If your husband forces you / conducts violence during sex, you need not accept because you are married and he has “rights”. Even a husband has no rights if the wife denies it.
9. Another trend these days is taking videos of sexual acts. Well, again, girls, you have the right to say “No”. Cyber-rimes of videos getting hacked even by mobile repair shop guys are quite common. Now, even if the worst happened. Your boyfriend took your naked photos or videos and published in the internet. – Be calm and give a police complaint. Do not live in utter shame just because a guy you trusted, did this to u. It’s him who should feel ashamed.
10. Lastly, Sex is a beautiful act done with utmost intimacy between two lovers. It’s a divine experience and a great relationship-building tool, only when you show mutual respect and admiration and the bodily attraction just adds to the relationship. Mind you, a relationship need not be just for sex. And having sex cannot alone determine the quality of a relationship. Our happiness in life depends on the quality of relationship we have and not just on the number of orgasms you had in a week! This needs a lot of work – both partners need to be available for each other’s emotional, intellectual, and social needs apart from sexual needs.
Well, I just jotted some random points for parents to initiate discussions with their Teens and young adults about sex education. Do share this article to your Teen children / young adults/parents and initiate the “right discussions”. I am sure these things are not there in Biology textbooks. All they teach is dissecting the Hibiscus flower!
Cheers!
Dr. CeeVee
#sexeducation #CeeVee
