Rebuilding trust with your child

Parents often expect perfection from themselves while accepting that their children will misbehave from time to time. This outlook can be problematic because parents, too, are human and prone to mistakes. Becky Kennedy, a psychologist and author, advocates for a concept she calls “repair work” to normalize parental mistakes and provide a script for making amends, considering it the most crucial parenting strategy.

Repair work involves acknowledging a moment of disconnection, taking responsibility for one’s behavior, and recognizing its impact on the other person, whether it’s a child or anyone else. It goes beyond a simple apology and requires a two-step process.

First, parents must practice self-compassion, recognizing that making a mistake doesn’t make them bad parents. This self-forgiveness is essential for personal growth and change.

Second, they must take responsibility for their behavior and communicate this to their child. By doing so, parents acknowledge how their actions may have hurt their child and commit to finding better ways to handle similar situations in the future.

Repair work can occur in the moment or even years later, addressing patterns of behavior rather than specific incidents. It avoids common missteps, such as justifying actions or seeking reassurance, to foster genuine connection and open conversation.

This approach benefits both children and parents, fostering safety, connection, and growth. Repair work empowers parents to break cycles of unhealthy coping mechanisms and self-blame, ultimately strengthening their relationships with their children and encouraging personal growth.

Re-reported from the article originally published in The huffpost