The Emotional Toll of Masculinity: Rethinking How We Raise Boys

In a thought-provoking LinkedIn post that has sparked widespread discussion, leadership expert John Amaechi OBE highlighted a critical issue facing men and boys in today’s society: the damaging effects of emotional repression.

Amaechi argues that men are socialized from a young age to view emotions as a sign of weakness, associating emotional expression with femininity – which is often portrayed as undesirable for men. “Men are socialized to think women are worse and men are great,” Amaechi writes, “and part of what makes them great is their clinical ability to keep their minds clear and uncluttered by emotions.”

This societal expectation, he contends, is not just misguided but potentially deadly. Amaechi points to initiatives like Movember and mental health training in barbershops as evidence that men are “parched and desperate for an opportunity to talk to another human being” about their challenges.

The post resonated with many, garnering responses from both men and women across various professions. A female scientist who has mentored young men shared her observations: “These men carry all the emotional burdens on their shoulders, and are afraid to share with their wives, because it might be too much, and it’s their job to be strong for the family.”

Others highlighted the importance of role models who demonstrate emotional intelligence. One commenter noted, “As a mum observing teenage boys, I would love there to be some ‘influencers’ who role model true strength of character, who respect and value women/girls and also include all men/boys who are not stereotypically ‘masculine’ all the time.”

The discussion also touched on broader societal issues, such as work-life balance and the pressure on men to be primary providers. “How many mums and children would rather have dad home and happy than have the flashy car and the expensive lifestyle?” one commenter pondered.

However, not all responses were in full agreement. Some argue that men and women simply process emotions differently, with men preferring physical activities or time with friends over talking. One commenter suggested, “Men need to go out more and have friends with whom they can do men stuff, and while doing that they discuss their problems in the way men do.”

Educators also joined the conversation. sharing their experiences with young boys struggling to express vulnerability. Many praised initiatives like men’s sheds and walking football clubs for providing outlets for men to connect and share.

While most responses supported Amaechi’s call for change, some voices cautioned against oversimplification. One commenter argued that ten years of encouraging men to “open up” hasn’t significantly impacted suicide rates, suggesting a need for more nuanced approaches to addressing male mental health.

This viral post demonstrates that the conversation around masculinity and emotional well-being is complex and ongoing. What’s clear is that many see a pressing need to reevaluate how we socialize boys and support men in expressing and managing their emotions. The challenge now lies in translating this awareness into meaningful change in homes, schools, and communities across the globe.

Sushmita Chowdhary.