The Misdiagnosed Dreams
Kanya was six years old when she decided she wanted to become a doctor. At 15, she started preparing for her medical entrance exam, and performed really well in all her mock examinations. A week before the exam, something tragic happened. Kanya met with an accident and was hospitalized. She could not appear for the exam which left her in a state of dejection.
A week later, two days after the date of examination, the doctors allowed Kanya to go home. Her parents were extremely worried about her since after the accident, Kanya’s behavior had drastically changed. She used to spend the day drawing and scribbling things in her diary, she did not talk to anybody but her sister, Kumari. One day, Kanya’s mother decided to spend the entire day by her side, doing things that Kanya used to love doing. Her mother tried very hard to make her understand that it was okay if she could not give the exam this time. Everyone saw the efforts she put in, everyone knew she would have done well had she taken the exam and having to give the exam next year would only mean she could spend more time preparing for it, and perform even better. The moment her mother said these words, Kanya broke into tears.
Kanya explained, “This is not something I want to do Maa, this was never what I wanted to do. I don’t want to become a doctor, I don’t want to do this.”
Kanya’s mother was left puzzled.
“What are you saying, Kanya? You always wanted this.”
“No! I did not!” Kanya screamed.
“Weren’t you the one who came running to us when you were six years old and said that you want to become a doctor? You came to us in your tenth standard saying that you want to start preparing for your medical entrance exam” said Kanya’s mother, trying to be as calm and composed as possible.
“I did, Maa but this was never what I truly wanted” said Kanya as she continued sobbing.
Not understanding what was exactly happening, Kanya’s mother just held her tight and she continued sobbing, and after some time she fell asleep.
After waking up, Kanya saw that her mother was still there by her side, asking her to explain everything properly. At first, Kanya hesitated to open up but she eventually did.
“Remember that day when nana-nani1 came home during my summer vacation? When I had just been promoted to first grade and Kumari was born?” asked Kanya.
“Yes, I remember. You asked me so many questions about her that after a point, I did not have the energy to answer your questions.”
Kanya and her mother both chuckled.
“I was going to go to Nani and ask her stories about how Maasi2 acted when you were born, when I heard her and Dadi 3talking about something. Dadi mentioned my name so I wanted to listen to what she was saying. I stood there silently and listened to what they were talking about. Dadi was talking about how Dadaji4 and Dad both are amazing doctors and how Bua5 failed to become one only because she is a woman. I hated the way she said it that day, Maa. She continued talking to Nani, and said that she felt very bad for her because she has two daughters, you and Maasi, and now even you have two daughters. Dadi said that Nani will never have a successful child since both her children are daughters, and now the same is happening with you but she was more upset because she will not have a grandchild who will become a successful doctor. Her words hurt me.”
Kanya’s mother stared at her face.
“Is that why you decided you wanted to be a doctor?” her mom asked.
“Yes.”, Kanya replied.
“I wanted to make you proud, I wanted you to have a successful daughter so that you never had to feel bad, and Nani would never have to hear such things again,”
“What is it that you actually want to do, Kanya?” asked her mother.
“I love writing, and I love making drawings. I like to create my own world, I write the things I want to hear in my world, and I draw what I see. I want to pursue that, but I also know that Kumari does not want to be a doctor. She loves singing, she wants to sing. So, I will become the doctor, she can do whatever she feels like doing”
Kanya’s mother was left speechless.
“You don’t have to do this Kanya, you don’t HAVE to become a doctor only to make me happy. I will be happy only if you choose to do what you want to do, and if it is this, then so be it. Your father and I will support you no matter what you choose to do. The only thing that matters to me is that you are happy and you are doing what you really want to do.”
“I feel like this is something I should do. I have spent so many days and sleepless nights doing this. I don’t want you to feel ashamed.”
“I could never be ashamed of being blessed with two amazing daughters. You don’t have to do THIS to make me proud. I will be proud of you no matter what.”
After this honest conversation, Kanya and her mother talked to Kanya’s father and Kanya told him that she wanted to go to art school. He also told her that he will support her, and he is proud of her no matter what.
Kanya spent the next few months preparing for her entrance examination. She applied to the best University for Arts, and got in. Her family celebrated her achievement. Her mother, her Bua, her Maasi, her Nani, her sister – Kumari were all extremely proud of her. It took her Dadi some time to understand everything that Kanya had gone through but after realizing what she had unintentionally put her granddaughter through, she felt extremely guilty and sorry.
A few years later, Kanya directed a movie. A movie where words were the dialogues and her drawings were brought to life by her camera. It was a movie by women, for women, with women. It gained popularity and immense love from the audience instantly.
At the success party for this movie, Kanya’s Dadi came to the dais and announced very happily that she was extremely proud of her successful granddaughter.
- Nana-Nani: Maternal Grandfather and Grandmother ↩︎
- Maasi: Maternal Aunt ↩︎
- Dadi: Paternal Grandmother ↩︎
- Dadaji: Paternal Grandfather ↩︎
- Bua: Paternal Aunt ↩︎
-Sara Pimprikar is an 18-year-old physiotherapy student, classical dancer, mental health ally, Mind Matters columnist, and member of District Action Group on Mental Health Initiatives.
