The New Parenting

If there is anything we are doing wrong now with parenting, it is the utmost controlling parents do to their children. Every step of the child is controlled and called it out of love and protection. Children are not allowed to experience life on their own terms, they are not allowed to fail, they are not allowed to learn, they are not allowed to fall.

The day is completely scheduled for them, there is no leisure or time to think. Children are not allowed to get bored. Every moment gets structured. Play is not free play, it is all done to learn and be productive. We forget that play itself is learning. But everything got to have a lesson. Most children will have phones, so that every move of the child is known to the parent and it is named safety.

And then there are the other extremes where screen is the baby sitter. Whether we are at home or at the restaurant, we give a screen to the child so that the child remains engrossed in the images that keep flipping on the screen. Where does the child get the time to have some quiet time?

Children may get terrified of silence. Even though they are connected, how much connection do they have outside of their gadgets? Loneliness and depression creeps in when there is no human connection. It has been a proven fact in many studies.

Parents need to stop functioning from their fear. They need to stop, look at themselves and ask the question “am I doing this out of my fear or am I doing it for the benefit of my child?” How many of our parents were this controlling? They usually didn’t care where we were most of the day, till it was time for us to reach home. How many children would know how to climb a tree, make mud pies, pick fruits from trees, especially if you are living in the cities?

We learn from experiencing, even when things do not go our way. There are no failures, just learning experiences. And we must allow our children to have those. Yes, it can be scary but is it not scarier not to teach them how to survive if you are not alive anymore? We need to let children experience disappointment, sadness, failures so that they know how to deal with them. The more we protect our children from all of it now, the less they will be able to handle it later. Let us stop controlling their lives to this extent. Let them be children and not machines that do our bidding to our satisfaction. Let our children have their childhoods and autonomy when adults.

–Sajitha Rasheed is a relationship workshop facilitator and the Founder and Chief Mentor of Mind Mojo.