Unconscious Phrases of Childhood Trauma Survivors

“Healing from Childhood Trauma: Recognizing Subtle Signals and Moving Forward”

Have you ever downplayed childhood trauma with the phrase “It wasn’t that bad,” either about your own experiences or someone else’s? This seemingly innocuous statement might hold a key to understanding unresolved issues from the past.

Childhood struggles vary, and some individuals face serious trauma, while others might be tempted to minimize their challenges. However, dismissing the pain from childhood doesn’t contribute to healing.

Acknowledging and addressing challenges to healthy attachment during childhood is crucial for personal growth and moving forward. Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, a clinical psychologist specializing in emotionally immature parents, notes that the phrase “It wasn’t that bad” often emerges when individuals downplay their past experiences, undermining the impact of adverse events.

This tendency to minimize pain may have originated as a coping mechanism during childhood, serving as a survival skill to navigate tough times, particularly in connecting with parents. Recognizing this subtle signal is the initial step toward healing and forming healthier connections.

The mentality of “It wasn’t that bad” can affect adult relationships, leading to expectations of minimal emotional support. Signs of growing up with emotionally absent parents include expecting the bare minimum from others, feeling the need to perform for attention, attracting narcissistic partners, doing emotional work in relationships, and eventually demanding more emotional support.

Overcoming this attitude requires acknowledging and accepting the existence of less-than-optimal attachment styles, seeking professional support, practicing self-compassion, establishing boundaries, and cultivating healthy relationships. Therapeutic intervention helps explore the root causes, and self-compassion is crucial in developing a kind relationship with oneself.

Learning to set healthy boundaries and engaging in positive relationships are essential steps in overcoming an “It wasn’t that bad” attitude. By recognizing subtle signals of childhood trauma and taking proactive steps toward healing, individuals can break free from the constraints of their past and cultivate fulfilling, healthy relationships in the present and future.

_{Repurposed article originally published in Your Tango}