Void of Inevitability

Death does strange things to people.

It lurks for a while before opening the cupboard to scream, boo!

It creeps behind you to wrap the tape around your mouth and tie your hands together. 

Death does strange things to people, but I never said that strange was bad.

When a loved one leaves, it feels like freshly sharpened lead being snapped as soon as it touches the page,

it feels like rain seeping through your socks as soon as you step outside,

you have no choice but to revel in this moment of “uncomfortability”, 

to slowly drown in this void of inevitability. 

Was this the correct fate?

Is this real?

Questions often bombard your mind when loved ones are met with death,

these questions aren’t frequently asked unless in times of pleading,

death is the gruesome one.

He is the one that taunts our bad dreams and startles us with unwanted conveyances,

everyone presumes he is evil, but without him, how will we turn into angels?

How will we watch our grandmothers end their insufferable pain?

How will we come together to mourn the loss of our beloved? 

Without the pencil being broken, how will we get a new chance to sharpen it?

Without our socks being drenched, how will we have something to laugh about in 5 years?

Without the “uncomfortability”, how will we adapt to being comfortable again?

Death does not make us weak. It reminds us how strong we have remained.

At the start, you feel anger, 

hot anger that burns everything, 

it burns our emotions, and our feelings, it starts warm and progresses to boiling, 

the denial often ignites the fire, like a matchstick to a box

you often scream and cry without any means to stop, 

you consider terrible things, 

shutting people out, 

screaming at the top of your lungs, 

overthinking and questioning everything, 

taking up a dangerous coping mechanism, 

or you do them.

But all these actions are death’s attempt to turn on our vulnerability, to activate unheard emotions.

how rewarding it feels knowing you finish life just to start a new one, 

how relieving it is once you know your loved ones are in a better place, 

death is confronting, it is scary, it is heart-wrenching and gruesome, 

it feels as if a sword has been stabbed several times deeply into your chest and the only one who can pull it out is the only one who can’t.

Death transforms your daydreams into nightmares, hopes into disappointments, learnings into regret,

but death is not evil, 

it is feared because people are not brave enough to face it, 

it is despised because it has stolen a person who has been the glue to a family, 

 kidnapped a person who has been the reason for another’s joy, 

death makes us stronger, but it takes time to overcome, to accept, to move on, 

to forgive, to forget, and to learn to function without,

but it teaches lessons, 

it brings families closer, 

it helps us understand ourselves to grow, 

I’m not ready to let go of you, but I am ready to accept.

To Ammama and Avva (My Maternal and Paternal Grandmothers respectively), I love you, my guardian angels.

-Maya Bharadwaj is a teenager from Melbourne, Australia; passionate about traveling, writing, reading, music, and ballet. She loves to take the reader into her world with her words.