Smart Women Hindered in Love by 3 Toxic Fears

.At the age of 21, I made a conscious decision to prioritize my career over romantic relationships. This choice proved immensely beneficial as I quickly climbed the ranks to become the youngest female executive at my record label by age 23. By 24, I had purchased my own home, and by 25, I had established myself as a “Boss Girl.” I embraced the identity of a strong, independent woman, earning a significant income, mingling with intriguing individuals, traveling, partying, and living out the life I had always envisioned.

However, maintaining this level of success in my career demanded a certain mindset—one that prioritized strength and resilience over vulnerability. When I extended this mentality to my dating life, it created obstacles. I realized I needed to strike a balance between my assertive nature and my femininity to attract the type of love I desired. In our pursuit of advancing the feminist movement, women often overlook the importance of allowing men to exhibit strength without diminishing our own, and of being vulnerable without perceiving it as weakness. Healthy relationships thrive when both partners can display strength, vulnerability, generosity, and support. But first, strong, independent women like myself must internalize these crucial life lessons.

Here are three toxic fears that hinder smart women from finding love:

1. Vulnerability does not equate to weakness. Many strong women mistakenly believe that expressing emotions or vulnerability signifies weakness. On the contrary, allowing oneself to feel deeply is an act of courage. True weakness lies in avoiding emotional expression altogether. It is perfectly valid to express emotions openly and authentically without diminishing one’s strength. Vulnerability is essential for fostering love and deep connections.
2. Accepting help does not imply dependence. Adopting the mindset of “I can handle everything myself” can hinder the natural give-and-take dynamics of a relationship. Men often express love through acts of giving, and refusing to accept their assistance may lead them to withdraw. Acknowledging and appreciating his desire to support you does not undermine your independence. Embracing love and support from your partner enriches your life without compromising your autonomy.

3. Letting go of rigid expectations does not mean lowering standards. Criteria such as height or salary do not define the most important qualities in a partner. Releasing rigid standards allows you to prioritize traits like character and compatibility. Instead of entering relationships with a checklist, seek a partner who shares your values and aspirations.

Re-reported the article originally published in Your tango.