Boys Will Be… Feminists: A Guide to Raising Equality-Conscious Sons
As I scroll through my news feed, my heart sinks. Another report of workplace harassment. A story about unequal pay. Headlines screaming of violence against women. Stories of cyber attack towards women leaders. As the founder of SheSight magazine and a lifelong feminist, these issues aren’t new to me. But as a mother to a 17-year-old son, they take on a new, urgent meaning.
I’ve spent years advocating for women’s rights, fighting against the patriarchal structures that hold us back. But lately, I’ve been asking myself: What about our sons? How can we ensure they don’t perpetuate the very systems we’re trying to dismantle?
This journey of raising a feminist son hasn’t always been straightforward. Like many households, ours didn’t have a perfect model of equality. But that doesn’t mean we can’t raise our sons to be feminists. Here are some strategies I’ve used and observed that can help shape boys into men who respect, support, and empower women:
- Start with household responsibilities
Even if children don’t see equal division of chores at home, we can still teach them. I made sure my son Anirudh participated in household tasks from a young age. This wasn’t about creating a “model home,” but about teaching him that maintaining a home is everyone’s responsibility, regardless of gender. At our home, even today, whether it’s cleaning the kitchen, putting away the dishes in the dishwasher, or cooking dinner, he understands that he has equal responsibility
- Encourage emotional intelligence
I remember overhearing a friend tell Anirudh that “boys don’t cry” when he was younger. That became an opportunity for us to discuss emotions. Teach your sons that feeling and expressing emotions is human, not weak. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and to be supportive when others express theirs. Growing up, he has cried several times and I tell him, “it’s OK to cry if you feel sad”.
- Teach respect and consent
As our sons enter their teens, it’s crucial to have ongoing conversations about respect and consent. Discuss scenarios they might encounter, talk about news stories, and emphasize that consent is about respecting boundaries in all interactions, not just sexual ones. I initiate discussions about body, sexuality, and how it’s natural to feel attracted to someone and to welcome the changes.
- Challenge media stereotypes
Watch media critically with your sons. Discuss how women and men are portrayed in movies, TV shows, and advertisements. Help them recognize sexist tropes and understand how these portrayals can shape societal expectations. I ensured that whenever there is a movie sequence which belittles a woman/girl I raised my voice and expressed my opinion, along with a statement to my son,” If you ever do this to a girl, you will have to deal with me first!”. Well, jokes apart, I do not want my son to think that disrespecting a woman is “heroism”
- Expose them to diverse role models
Introduce your sons to stories of strong women in history and current events. Equally important, discuss men who are allies to the feminist cause, demonstrating that being pro-women doesn’t mean being anti-men. I’ve made a conscious effort to expose my son to empowering experiences from a young age, taking him to events I’ve organized where he can witness strong women in action. Occasionally, he’s commented that there’s no one there who looks like him, but I believe this upbringing has helped him develop a deep understanding and appreciation of strong women, rather than viewing them as intimidating or wrong.
- Encourage allyship
Teach your sons to speak up when they witness sexism or discrimination. It might not be easy, but it’s necessary. Praise them when they stand up for equality, even in small ways. Growing up seeing his mother fight discrimination and stand up for equality and a sister who reminds him of equal rights every now and then, I believe he definitely will stand for another woman when she talks about sexism.
- Discuss privilege
One of the most challenging but crucial conversations is about male privilege. Help your sons recognize the advantages they have simply by being male, and guide them on how to use that privilege to advocate for equality. I do at times snub him when he is complacent about his privilege making him remind that the privilege that he has is not something he earned, but just by being born as a male!
I remember a pivotal moment when Anirudh was in his high school. He came home upset after witnessing a classmate make inappropriate comments about his female classmates. We discussed why it was wrong and how he could address such situations in the future. It was a difficult conversation, but it helped shape his understanding of respect and allyship.
To all the parents reading this, especially mothers of sons: We often focus on empowering our daughters, and rightly so. But let’s not forget our sons. They too need guidance in navigating the complex world of gender dynamics. Talk to them about feminism. Help them understand the struggles women face. Teach them to be allies.
Because the truth is, achieving true gender equality isn’t just about empowering women. It’s about raising a generation of men who are committed to dismantling the very systems that have held women back for so long.
So, let’s start these conversations. Let’s raise sons who are proud to call themselves feminists. Because a world where both our daughters and our sons are feminists is a world that’s one step closer to true equality.
Remember, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about making a conscious effort to raise our sons with feminist values.
Every small step counts.
Together, we can nurture a generation of men who will stand alongside women in the fight for equality.
Universal Love and Abundance,
Dr. CeeVee
(Dr. CeeVee is the pen name of Dr. Chandra Vadhana R, Founder of Prayaana Labs and Managing Editor, of SheSight Magazine)
