Dating In The 40S

This morning I received a text from a dear friend of mine asking if I would be interested in writing an article for a magazine. I had never written one, although I had a sneaky interest in getting into writing someday. So I figured, what do I write about? I went on discarding one idea after another and there it was – a conversation with a male friend where we talked about the purpose of dating after a divorce or separation. And during the conversation with my friend, I told him that I was looking for a companion. This simple guy thought that I wanted to get married. I just gave him a, what – a – dude – he – is, look. And said, “There’s a difference my friend! I want a companion not a regrettable mishap of marriage again!” The dunce that he was, he gave me a confused look. Further explaining I told him that I don’t want to commit the same mistake again. I want to feel free, hang out with friends, go to movies, go traveling, explore my artistic side, and still have someone back home waiting for me. My friend then concluded – Ohh! So you need a man to make you feel happy and make you feel beautiful at this age? No !!! I said in exasperation and took two huge gulps of coffee (completely forgetting that it may choke my food pipe). The conversation was not over and I managed to discuss objectively with him the idea of companionship.

As an afterthought, for me, a companion is someone like a best friend who is there when I need him and someone I can trust and just be myself, never get judged for the number of wrinkles on my face or my butt. At the same time, I have the freedom to do what I want and be with anyone I want. Now, many of you out there will dispute by saying – we can get all that by getting married to an open-minded man. Really? How many such men will you be able to find who allow such freedom to their wives? A large chunk of married women have to take care of their husbands like kids (read Raja–Beta syndrome) Indian men still have a long way to go when it comes to being independent.

Sifting through tons of “Relationship” posts I have come to this conclusion – You do You! You will end up attracting the right people in your life. This opinion of mine stands true for dating too. The only dating suggestion I would want to give from my end is to focus on giving your best, not only to your work, to your children, to your parents but also to yourself. You will reach the level of vibration where you attract the soul that encourages and nourishes your growth as well as nourishes his own. Once you start focusing inward your outer self grows and glows. You stand out shining like a star. I am going to tweak Dr. Seuss’s quote here a bit and say – “ we all are a little shiny and life’s a little universe. And when we find someone whose shine is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual big–bang and call it love”