The examples you set forth for your kids to learn from matter.
And how they see you are their mother is extremely important.
Children are many times the split image of their mothers. Not just this, children often see and learn many things that are done by their mother. But what if mothers themselves are teaching them the wrong things? Not intentionally of course. But often at times mothers forget that their sons and daughters can see what they are doing themselves.
Women especially after marriage are often subjected to ‘adjusting’ to a situation for the benefit of others. The children who grow up seeing these adjustments either unconsciously learn from them or feel helpless out of their love and care for their mother.
Here are the five things that no child should see their mother do.
1. Tolerating unjust behaviour in the name of adjustments
There are often households where the children see their mother suffering abuses and unjust behaviour from her husband or in-laws. The husband yells at the wife for no reason or complaint about the quality of food. And oftentimes, the wife ignores these and says nothing back. In worst cases, even physical abuse is ignored by the mothers who do not want to create a problem in the household.
No kid should grow up seeing this mistreatment of their mother. Sons can learn the wrong thing by these and may later mistreat their own wives, and daughters may learn to ‘adjust’ themselves. Or they may grow up in pain unable to do anything for their mother.
2. Putting themselves last
Oftentimes the best parts of food is given to the husband and children of the family and the mother eats the scrapes or the least wanted items. Mothers tend to sacrifice their wants and needs for the family. This is not a healthy practice. A mom should not always get the smallest piece of fish or only the scrapes of the best food cooked in the house. They also deserve equal treatment. And mothers should teach this to their kids by displaying it themselves.
3. Sacrificing Career for Family Rearing
Many women gave up their careers for family rendering. They had to give birth and take care of the children so they gave up on their careers. When a mother displays that her aspirations and dreams have no value, the kids in the household also subconsciously learn this to be the ideal situation. When a mother dedicates all her time doing the household chores all alone, the kids tend to think of this as a natural and given situation.
But if the mother does her work and delegates the house chores between all the family members, that becomes an ideal situation.
4. Asking for Permission
Mothers always tend to seek the permission of their husbands or elders before deciding or doing anything on their own. Even some of the working independent moms are not spared of this. If they need to go somewhere they tend to seek permission from their husbands. Wives do not need permission from their husbands for anything at all. They just need to do things.
5. Adhering To Patriarchal Customs and Fasts
In India, wives take fasts for the good health of the husband. Many of them, for example, the ‘karwachauth’ are even romanticised by society and the media. However, these are purely patriarchal customs and there is not a male version for this anywhere. So, no kid should have to see their mother starve for their father when the father is not doing the same.
When mothers are scarifying themselves they are setting bad examples for their kids and teaching them the wrong life lessons. No child would like their mother to hide her strength, swallow her voice, give up her dreams and censor her opinions just to maintain the ‘shanti’ of the household. She has every right to express herself and live her best life and achieve her dreams.