Parenting – The Most Beautiful Journey (12–16 Years)Part 7: The Teenage Years

The onset of puberty marks the beginning of adolescence — a delicate and transformative stage, both for the child and the parent. It’s a phase defined by profound changes — physical, emotional, psychological, mental, social, and even financial. It’s a journey from boyhood to manhood, from girlhood to womanhood. This period is often described as a time of “Ego Identity vs. Role Confusion.”

Until now, children usually follow their parents’ directions without much resistance — “Play cricket” results in an enthusiastic “Okay, Papa!” or “Join dancing” earns a cheerful “Okay, Mamma!” However, with the onset of puberty, they become increasingly aware of their own identities & self-image. Suddenly, they realize that their bodies are changing, that they are growing, and that they are distinct individuals. They start asking themselves, What do I want/ what do I like? or How do others perceive me? This awareness brings about a heightened sense of individuality and often an increased sensitivity to their own feelings.

It is during this time that peer influence takes precedence over parental guidance. Friends, who are going through similar transformations, become their primary reference points. Naturally, this newfound awareness often leads to friction between parents and children.

Imagine a 15-year-old boy, given a weekly allowance of 500 rupees as a gesture of newfound responsibility. Elated, he boasts to his friends, “I’m treating everyone to dinner today!” Feeling empowered and grown-up, he returns home late, only to be greeted with a reprimand and a slap from his father. The boy, feeling both humiliated and confused, wonders, Am I a child or an adult? This oscillation between being treated as mature and then as a child creates a sense of “role confusion.”

Teenagers’ quest for identity makes them vulnerable to external influences. Terrorist organizations, for example, often target young minds by offering them money, power, and a false sense of superiority, thereby easily manipulating them.

Another critical aspect of adolescence is the awareness of the opposite sex. As they begin to recognize their own biological identity, they also become conscious of others. For instance, if a girl compliments a boy, saying, “You are brave and courageous,” and this matches his self-perception, he instantly feels drawn to her. Her remark not only validates his sense of self but also kindles an emotional connection. Likewise, he may respond with admiration, acknowledging her generosity and kindness. This mutual reinforcement of positive traits often leads to the so-called “first love” — a pure, unfiltered attraction that sees no boundaries of caste, creed, or social status. It’s this genuine, youthful affection that makes first love unforgettable.

For parents, this is a crucial phase to nurture a strong and positive self-image in their children, balancing empowerment with humility, responsibility with empathy, and using freedom with safety & security. It is a time to instill virtues, etiquettes, and values that shape a confident and compassionate adult. I conducted Personality Development & Grooming (Etiquettes, manners, values & virtues) for both my children’s school. I was mindful of this long before Ryllee and Pema reached adolescence. I wanted to lay a strong foundation early on, fostering open communication and friendship. We discussed various personalities — the shy, the bold, the mischievous — and reflected on interactions with friends and strangers. Pema’s friends would often say, “You are lucky! Your mom is so cool. You can share anything with her, and she still has your back, even if you mess up.” Pema would just smile, knowing it was true.

Ryllee’s friends, on the other hand, sought the warmth and acceptance they missed in hostel life. Once, during a short Diwali break, around 8 to 10 of her friends, who couldn’t go home, asked if they could stay with us. I requested permission from the principal, Mrs. Jolly Kaur, who, a good-hearted lady, trusting me, not only agreed but also arranged the school coach for their travel. Those four days were pure joy.

The girls baked cakes, made sandwiches and fries, and I cooked their favourite dishes. We hiked through the forest, swam in the waterfall puddle, danced and sang in the hall, and watched movies on the projector. Late into the night, we played games, laughed, and shared stories. On Diwali, we lit diyas, burst crackers, and, most importantly, visited the old-age home and the children’s shelter. The girls painted murals on the walls, distributed sweets, snacks, gifts, and chocolates. For them, it was an unforgettable celebration — a Diwali full of light, love, and learning.

When parents become friends with their teenage children, accepting both their strengths and mistakes without judgment, children feel secure enough to share their thoughts and emotions. This acceptance fosters openness and respect, allowing them to absorb parental guidance naturally and willingly. In essence, unconditional love and understanding are the secrets to successful parenting during adolescence.

… to be continued.

Author- Mondreeta Sengupta Das (Mondy) ([email protected])

Let your Light Shine so Brightly, that others can see their way, out of the Dark ~ Mondy

Mondreeta is a paragon of versatility—an award-winning author, national-level swimmer, world-record-holding mountaineer, and corporate leader turned spiritual healer. Felicitated by former Prime Minister Indira Gandhi and, in 2025, Nominated by the President of India under the “Woman – Lifetime Achievement” category, her journey defies convention.

A psychologist, healer, life coach, and storyteller, she has trained global airline crews, served the American Consulate, and led leadership development at Reliance Industries as GM–HR. Currently Vice President t (Toga), at Ministry of Tourism & Culture, she represents India to international delegations.

A featured writer in The Times of India and Shesight and photographer for Incredible India, she merges intellect with intuition. Her spiritual pursuits include Reiki, Pranic Healing, Angel Healing and Karma Healing. As a regular speaker at the International Yoga Festival, Mondreeta embodies the confluence of purpose, passion, perseverance & service rising from the ashes to the pinnacle of success.

If you want to give Light to others, you first must Glow Yourself ~ Mondy