Parenting – The most Beautiful Journey Part-3
1 to 3 YEARS
We often believe that harsh truths should be hidden from patients and children, but it is wiser to reveal the truth—gently, but honestly—to help them prepare for life’s inevitable hardships. The human mind is far more powerful and resilient than we credit it for. It grows stronger through adversity and challenges. We often underestimate its strength, mistaking sensitivity for weakness.
The reality that their father would never return was, of course, a painful blow to my children. But once they absorbed the truth, they began to accept the uncontrollable. A few days later, they asked again, “Mumma, where is Papa?”
I said, “You go to school every day. On Fridays, you’re given homework. On Saturdays, you finish it. And once you’re done, you get a day off. Just like that, God sends us to Earth with homework. When we finish it, we get leave—and return to God.”
The children immediately responded, “Mumma, you mustn’t finish your homework yet. We’ll finish it together, okay?” I smiled and assured them.
While I was hospitalized in Goa, the children stayed at my uncle’s house with my cousins. They later told me how Pema would wake up almost every night, quietly get out of bed, and wander through the house in the dark. They couldn’t understand why, but I knew—he was silently searching for me.
Pema’s first birthday was celebrated in Bombay, surrounded by relatives and friends. It was the last family celebration Manjeet organized & enjoyed with his family before he left us forever. At this age, a baby begins to recognize the father as a figure distinct from the mother and gradually begins to bond with grandparents, too. This is why the father needs to teach simple skills, while grandparents need to create role models for them by telling stories of great leaders like Vivekananda, Shri Aurobindo, and Rabindranath Tagore. They have a vital role in the child’s early years.
Whatever you instill in a child at this age—values, patterns, habits—roots deeply and shapes the rest of their life. It is said that a toddler can learn up to 70 languages at once. Children do not learn by instruction as much as by observation/ demonstration. Many parents try to teach virtues by preaching: “Never lie, always be honest.” But the same parent may say, moments later, when the phone rings, “If it’s my office, tell them I’m in the shower.” What are we really teaching?
This is why I often say: when we become parents, God is giving us a second chance to become perfect.
According to Erik Erikson, the key emotional development during this stage is Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt. When a child explores and is allowed to succeed in their little adventures, they become autonomous, self-reliant, and confident. But if we constantly restrict them—“Don’t do this, don’t go there, don’t touch that”—the child begins to internalize shame. They feel everything they do is wrong, that they’re incapable of doing anything on their own, and that they should be ashamed of their actions. Over time, they may grow up believing others are more worthy than themselves. Their self-esteem suffers. Later in life, when they go through pain & suffering like all others, they believe- I am not good enough, I am not worthy of getting the good in my life, I deserve to suffer.
That’s why we must be gentle, clever, and empathetic in how we guide them. For example, I would inflate a large rubber bathtub, fill it with toys, and let them play inside. They couldn’t climb out, but they were blissfully entertained. I even disconnected the television, replacing it with CDs of nursery rhymes and fairy tales to avoid TV addiction.
And when a ‘no’ was unavoidable—say, at a party where a child with a cold begged for ice cream—I wouldn’t just say no like I was talking to an adult. Instead, I’d emotionally go down to their level, explain like a friend, using stories or simple examples. Once they understood the why, they rarely repeated the mistake. The best parenting strategy, I believe, is to be their friend—then they will naturally follow your lead.
Another crucial development at this age is toilet training. A toddler starts becoming curious about their own body and may try to observe where urine comes from. Until now, excretion was just a natural, uncontrolled act of giving, much like receiving love and care, especially through breastfeeding. But now is the time to teach the child self-control: that giving—whether it’s anger, jealousy, or bodily functions—must happen at the right time and place.
This training goes beyond hygiene. Teaching a child to go to the washroom, undress, sit on the potty, clean themselves, and dress again instills order, routine, and discipline. They learn not only how to control themselves physically, but emotionally and socially as well, along with being methodical & systematic in life.
I began telling bedtime stories very early. I invented two pairs of characters: a brother-sister kitten duo and a brother-sister bird duo. Every night, alternating between the animals, I would spin tales—how the brother bird protected his sister during a storm, how the sister cat rescued her brother from a flood. New adventures, new challenges—always with a core theme: that the brother and sister were always there for each other. This helped them to grow a deep bond between each other & an unbreakable attachment. To this day, Ryllee and Pema have never once fought or quarreled with each other.
…to be continued
About the Author:
National swimmer & world-record-holding mountaineer. Felicitated by PM Indira Gandhi. National Award-Winning Author, writer in the TOI & photographer in the Incredible India Felicitation by the President of India as “The Woman with Lifetime Achievement.” Life coach, motivational speaker, storyteller, & Trainer in the American Consulate &National & international airlines. General Manager at Reliance Industries Ltd. Now Vice President of Toga, Ministry of Tourism, Government of India & Ambassador to Foreign Delegates. Trainer from World Pranic Healing School & is a speaker at the International Yoga Festivals.
