Unspoken Pain: A Letter to My Mother

The Complexity of Mother-Daughter Relationships in Navigating Sexism

In the realm of female empowerment and independence, not all mothers champion their daughters’ aspirations for education, empowerment, and autonomy. The recent revelations by prominent figures like Priyanka Chopra and Lily Singh shed light on the pervasive nature of sexism, even within familial settings.

Priyanka Chopra shared the story of her housekeeper’s daughter, who was withdrawn from school due to financial constraints, prioritizing her brother’s education over hers. Similarly, Lily Singh recounted the disappointment her family expressed upon her birth, illustrating the gender bias deeply ingrained in societal norms.

Many mothers believe that instilling traits of docility and submissiveness will protect their daughters in a patriarchal society. However, they fail to recognize that perpetuating such restrictions only reinforces the cycle of sexism.

To mothers who impose limitations on their daughters, it is imperative to recognize the detrimental impact of such actions. Treating adult daughters with autonomy and respect fosters healthier relationships and empowers them to challenge societal norms.

Here are seven common phrases mothers should refrain from using with their grown-up daughters:

1. “Dress properly”: Allow your daughter the freedom to choose her attire without judgment or policing, rejecting patriarchal standards of modesty.
2. “Respect your elders, even if they harass you”: Prioritize your daughter’s safety and well-being over outdated notions of respect, condemning all forms of harassment.
3. “You are impure”: Challenge menstrual taboos and refrain from shaming daughters for natural bodily functions, promoting a culture of acceptance and inclusivity.
4. “You need to go to your ‘own’ house”: Acknowledge your daughter’s autonomy and value her contributions, avoiding notions of ownership or alienation.
5. “Marriage is your only achievement”: Celebrate your daughter’s accomplishments beyond marital status, encouraging independence and self-fulfillment.
6. “A slap or two is tolerable”: Reject normalization of violence and cultivate a culture of zero tolerance for abuse, empowering daughters to assert their rights.
7. “I can’t support you if you file for divorce”: Offer unwavering support to daughters in times of adversity, prioritizing their well-being over societal expectations.

Ultimately, fostering a supportive and egalitarian mother-daughter relationship is paramount in navigating the complexities of sexism and empowering daughters to chart their own paths.

_{Repurposed article originally published in She the People}